than I am to serve mine
2016/01/19
"Now, my dear Manette," said Mr. Lorry, at length, in his mostconsiderate and most affectionate way, "I am a mere man of business,and unfit to cope with such intricate and difficult matters. I donot possess the kind of information necessary; I do not possess thekind of intelligence; I want guiding. There is no man in this world onwhom I could so rely for right guidance, as on you. Tell me, howdoes this relapse come about? Is there danger of another? Could arepetition of it be prevented? How should a repetition of it betreated? How does it come about at all? What can I do for my friend?No man ever can have been more desirous in his heart to serve afriend, if I knew how. But I don't know howto originate, in such a case. If your sagacity, knowledge, andexperience, could put me on the right track, I might be able to doso much; unenlightened and undirected, I can do so little. Praydiscuss it with me; pray enable me to see it a little more clearly,and teach me how to be a little more useful."
"You have no idea how such an apprehension weighs on thesufferer's mind, and how difficult- how almost impossible- it is,for him to force himself to utter a word upon the topic that oppresseshim."
"Would he," asked Mr. Lorry, "be sensibly relieved if he couldprevail upon himself to impart that secret brooding to any one, whenit is on him?"
"I think so. But it is, as I have told you, next to impossible. Ieven believe it- in some cases- to be quite impossible."
"Now," said Mr. Lorry, gently laying his hand on the Doctor's armagain, after a short silence on both sides, "to what would you referthis attack?"
"I believe," returned Doctor Manette, "that there had been astrong and extraordinary revival of the train of thought andremembrance that was the first cause of the malady. Some intenseassociations of a most distressing nature were vividly recalled, Ithink. It is probable that there had long been a dread lurking inhis mind, that those associations would be recalled- say, undercertain circumstances- say, on a particular occasion. He tried toprepare himself in vain; perhaps the effort to prepare himself madehim less able to bear it."
"As to the future," said the Doctor, recovering firmness, "Ishould have great hope. As it pleased Heaven in its mercy to restorehim so soon, I should have great hope. He, yielding under the pressureof a complicated something, long dreaded and long vaguely foreseen andcontended against, and recovering after the cloud had burst andpassed, I should hope that the worst was over."
"You have no idea how such an apprehension weighs on thesufferer's mind, and how difficult- how almost impossible- it is,for him to force himself to utter a word upon the topic that oppresseshim."
"Would he," asked Mr. Lorry, "be sensibly relieved if he couldprevail upon himself to impart that secret brooding to any one, whenit is on him?"
"I think so. But it is, as I have told you, next to impossible. Ieven believe it- in some cases- to be quite impossible."
"Now," said Mr. Lorry, gently laying his hand on the Doctor's armagain, after a short silence on both sides, "to what would you referthis attack?"
"I believe," returned Doctor Manette, "that there had been astrong and extraordinary revival of the train of thought andremembrance that was the first cause of the malady. Some intenseassociations of a most distressing nature were vividly recalled, Ithink. It is probable that there had long been a dread lurking inhis mind, that those associations would be recalled- say, undercertain circumstances- say, on a particular occasion. He tried toprepare himself in vain; perhaps the effort to prepare himself madehim less able to bear it."
"As to the future," said the Doctor, recovering firmness, "Ishould have great hope. As it pleased Heaven in its mercy to restorehim so soon, I should have great hope. He, yielding under the pressureof a complicated something, long dreaded and long vaguely foreseen andcontended against, and recovering after the cloud had burst andpassed, I should hope that the worst was over."
